Monday, November 9, 2009

More Minuets

A few of you—OK, maybe only one or two—asked for more harpsichord, so here is a J. S. Bach prelude from the Well-Tempered Clavier book, well tempered as in well tuned. There are just a few things worse than a piano or harpsichord out of tune. A French horn out of tune, perhaps, or a saxophone.

What's the difference between a lawn mower and a saxophone? You can tune a lawn mower.
How do you get two piccolos to play in perfect unison? Shoot one.
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? The bow is moving.
How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? Stick your hand in the bell and miss every other note.
What's the definition of a gentleman? A man who knows how to play an accordion but doesn't.
What is the range of a tuba? Twenty yards, if you've got a good arm.
Why can't a gorilla play the trumpet? He's too sensitive.

Yes, I know these aren't funny. Nobody ever laughs at them except out of pity, but people keep writing them anyway. Let's put an end to these miserable excuses for jokes and promise never to tell them again.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chicken? Because they kept saying, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

All right, that's the last one, I swear.

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